Have I Changed ?

Two years ago I was a very regular person. I used to keep my room clean and arranged. I seldom used to loose anything, or misplace anything. But off late I have changed a lot. I forget to do things before deadline. I misplace important things. There are all sorts of chits, paper slips, tickets lying over my table, my room is untidy, I wait for the deadlines to do things. Indeed my mind has become unkempt. There is waste paper lying all around the floor here. There is no regularity in my life anymore.
Oh, how I wish I was that old self once again. I am not a very successful person, of course, no one is indeed happy with his/her life other than the so called enlightened ones. But then those days I had a state of well being. Now I am not able to control me nor my mind.
Have I become lazy? Probably yes. If there is something that either I or someone else could have done, I make it sure that the other person does it and not me.
Am I running away from something? Or is it that I am just cribbing unnecessarily? Actually I am not that bad.
Everyone's life is nothing but a collection of ups and downs. So is mine. One bad thing about me, when I was at school, was that, I hated failure. I just could not stand me not winning. I always wanted to win and win only.
But now things have changed. I don't mind not winning, maybe because failing has become a habit for me now :) . Anyways I have been waiting for a change in my life, and when this change comes over I will make changes in the way I live. But even in this strategy I don't have much faith as there is always a fear that, if I wanted to change I need not wait for a opportune. I should change today and now. Yes now, right now.

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