The True Romeos


Disclaimer 1:
All characters in this post are fictitious and any similarity to persons dead or living is purely coincidental. This post is also fictitious and is not a true story.

The author moved over to Bangalore in July along with 3 of his close college friends.
Thus we rented a 2-BHK in BTM.
All three of them have girlfriends, chey, one girlfriend each.
And from the very fact that this article is written you must have guessed that . . . .

About a few months ago, we were all in NITK, a place where you will easily find peacocks and peahens but would have to strain hard to spot a girl.

So all of us were really lucky and single.

Then everything came down like a twin tower. Mr A went ahead and invited a sub-sub-sub-junior Mrs A for a dinner. A great accomplishment in those days of desperation and frustration.

Mr A came back to hostel very sad after the dinner. I asked him
"What are you sad about ?"
"I spent 150 rupees and dint open my heart"
"So what is there in your heart to open up ?"
"I should have said I loved her. I should have proposed."
"So do you love her ?"
"Yes I do."
This "I Love Her" came out of Mr A after two meetings with Mrs A.
The first meeting was short and sweet. It was as follows
Mr A said "Hi"
Mrs A said "Bhai"
The author argued, she meant "Brother". But Mr A claims Mrs A is not "Hindi literate".
The second meeting was the above mentioned dinner.
The author went back to his room and thought over it.
"These days youngsters are very fast in everything", the author remembered his grandmother say.
How can someone judge a person in one and half meetings?
The author surely can't.
The author had personally not seen Mrs A then.
One day Mr A took pics of Mrs A and brought them back to his computer.
He showed Mr B the pics. Mr B told Mr A that she doesn't look good.
I dint know this then. Mr A called me. I went in and saw the Pics.
"How does she look ?"
"Ya, she looks goo..."
"haa, she looks good rt, Mr B told me she doesn't look good"
I smiled and left.
Then when I was in Mr B's room Mr B asked -
"Did u see her pic ?"
"Ya"
"She is not beautiful as he claimed rt ?"
"Ya, but I told him she is", I grinned.
_________________________________________

Now a days Mr A goes on a pilgrimage to NITK once every month to meet Mrs A who is still in college. For this pilgrimage Mr A saves money throughout the month eating from cheaper restaurants and stuff like that.
_X_____________________________________X_

Mr A meanwhile after third year had been to his school reunion. He met a lot of old friends and took photographs and all and came back cheerfully. He opened Orkut and added all his school mates as "friends" in Orkut.
Mr B was jobless. He had no school reunions to attend. He had no friends to add in Orkut. So he strayed into Mr A's friend-list or probably Mr A invited Mr B to check out his friend-list. There Mr B saw that Mr A knew quite a few vernacular speaking women. Mr B did a procedure called the HaiingArbitChicks.
This was a particularly popular process in NITK.

Disclaimer 2: The author writing about HaiingArbitChicks doesn't in any way mean that the author is not involved in the process. The author's masterpieces are as follows
"I think you look cute"
A Brazilian girl replied, "Thanks, have a nice week."
The author has heard people say, "Have a nice day". But probably thats what is common in Brazil.
"You look gracious"
A Pakistani girl replied, "Mind your own business."
What did she think
the author is doing ?
Another great Orkut adventure
the author had was with an Iranian woman. She had uploaded her pic in Orkut with her purdah and all. But this was nothing related to flirting. The author searched for psychology in Orkut and the results gave him a profile of a Iranian Begum who is interested in Psychology, he straightaway scrapped her. If she could help him, by suggesting names of books that he could read to get the basics of psychology. (The author was interested in this powerful science right from school days, but this interest has remained a interest all these years.) By the time she replied the author had lost his so called interest!

Now coming back to Mr and Mrs B. Mrs B happened to be that pure, God-fearing, innocent Kerala's own girl. Or atleast she was successful in making us believe so. No, no she cant deceive us, after all she was Mr A's old classmate right. I thus conclude, she is so.

Thus Mr and Mrs B came closer and closer day by day. How ?
Scrap in - Scrap out
Chat in - Chat out
SMS in - SMS out
Call in - Call out
Mr B's room was our common room. In the terminology of a residential college hostel, a common room is the room of a person, who is so jobless that, anyone can go to this room anytime and spend time doing one of the many things like - gossiping, playing cards or caroms, clicking photographs of our leg with his digi-cam, reading arbit non-academic books, calling girls (you have never met) and talking to them as if you have been with them throughout your life and any other such important assignments you have. Thus we all use to be at Mr B's room, the common room.
But wait. Something happened.
Mr B told us strictly that he wants to chat with Mrs B in private everyday from 6 pm to 8 pm. And thus he started throwing us out of his room everyday at 6 pm. They supposedly talked about everything they could think of. Yes, everything, from Bombay Jayashree's voice to pornography.
One fine day he admitted that he is in love with her. They haven't
met ever. They messaged each other and called each other and they are in love.
Yes, I am more convinced with this love story than Mr A's. But isn't this more of mutual trust over chat and sms. He was in 95% love before he made his first phone call.
For example, on phone, the author has introspected that, he can be very nice to people and deceive people easily that he is not short-tempered. On the contrary he is. "Deceive" is not the right word. But it is very easy to put up a mask when you chat or talk on phone. The author knows he is successful in that and firmly believe that most people will be.
Anyways after he fell in love, he made more phone calls and spend most of his final year project time chatting with her, thereby successfully graduating as a "Engineer". She is a "Engineer" too. No, no the author is not claiming that they "Engineered" their relationship.
No, never.
_________________________________________

Nowadays Mr B spends 15% of his salary on Mrs B every month. Not by buying her gifts, but by calling her everyday. Sure Mrs B is also doing this stupidity, sorry, duty of a lover. In the evenings he spends his time talking with her. He plugs the Motorola's earplugs into his hear. You can also talk to him when he is on call. He will answer back to you as if he is not on phone. She understands. The phone line is open for 4-6 hrs every evening.
Now I know how Hutch could afford giving me 7777 free sms, for one year, when I was at college.
By the by, Mr B's father-in-law (who is a criminal lawyer) has given Mr B 6 months time to get permission from his parents to marry Mrs B.
Mr B's request at home was welcomed with anger and later tears.
Mr B now goes to Kochi once in a quarter to meet Mrs B (where she is working).
Mr B once took Mrs B to his relative's house in the outskirts of Kochi. Mr B's amaama pleaded him not to do such things anymore.
_X_____________________________________X_

This third and final love story is the most amazing and for us the most entertaining. Mr C always wanted to have a girlfriend. Mr C is damn hardworking. But Mr C has a slight problem with communicating with women in English. This apparent problem is only with women though. The author has seen him communicate pretty well with guys.
In college the Malayalees have something called "Onam Celebration". Here Mr C met a Ms C. (no I am not talking about Mrs C, that character has a late entry.) Ms C is very cute, not at heart though. Mr C managed to take a photograph with Ms C. Well, as far Ms C is, she is one of the happening girls in the college, wearing the best outfits and sticking to the most muscular looking guys on their trendy looking bikes. This Malayalee grew up in Delhi and she has imbibed the "urbane" culture.
He dint fall in love. He wanted to fall in love and make her fall too. He somehow got her number, I don't remember how.
Mr C started sending smses asking what she is doing and other stupid questions. She did give reluctant replies.
Mr C is a highly research oriented guy. He does a sound analysis of each SMS that he sends across. Reads the replies a 100 times to find put what was really meant by the sender, what her mind was thinking when she had sent the SMS and a lot of other useless stuff. Ms C leads a hifi life. She wears "modern" clothes, hangs out with muscular, yo-looking guys. Most of the time you can spot her sitting on some guy's bike or in Mangalore with some guy at a restaurant. She is enjoying her time.
And her life.
On the contrary, Mr C hardly speaks to a girl in his class.
After a few days, there was a program in SJA (Silver Jubilee Auditorium) of our college. Mr C asked Ms C, of course in a SMS.
"r u cumin to SJA for the program ?"
"ya", came the reply, after 13 looong minutes.
"we will meet there"
Mr C groomed well, completely tensed, asking us
What should I tell her if she asks this ?
What should I do if she asks that ?
He put on the best perfume that Mr A had, and set forth.
The poor chap came back after an hour or so, fully sorry as to why he went.
Yes, he did meet her.
He could only somehow get of a seat behind hers. While she was as usual enjoying her life, sitting between two "happening" guys. He told me sadly that she was having a nice time enjoying the physical-contact-antics of those "happening guys".
I din't feel sorry for him. For he is learning his lessons.
Then again he tried getting to her, but in vain.

Then again our hero comes into picture -- Mr Orkut.
Mrs C, Mr C's tuition class chick, if you would like to call the so called chicks, chicks.
Yes, Mrs C scrapped him one day.
That was the first female scrap in Mr C's account.
Man .... Mr C was in cloud nine.
Mr C crafted his scrap replies with utmost care. They were reviewed 8 times by 10 different people before being posted. Poor Mrs C, what does she know about the great amount of effort going into the filling of her scrap book.
Later they moved to Gtalk. For Mr C the chat history with Mrs C was research material. He made detailed study of these highly confidential documents in private. The author was often thrown out of his room for intriguing his study.
Mrs C often used to get frustrated while chatting with Mr C as she had to wait for 5-7 minutes for a chat reply. These 5-7 minutes are being highly utilized here in room number 96, V block, NITK Hostels for literary analysis, conversation flow, possibleNextTopics() and in trying to keep the (Attribute_Conversation_Interest == FLOAT_MAX) = true.
Later he moved over to sending SMSes. Three messages send will fetch him a reply after 17.5 minutes after the last message was reported as delivered. On the other end, it is not research going on, it is called she is showing delibrate-chick-avoidance towards him.
They were still not in the so-called love. Mr C was still researching how to put it across appropriately.
It was time for us to leave NITK for good. Mr C wrote a dozen DVDs of movies from the college LAN (He also made a list of movies that he burned so that there are no duplicate copies of movies written). He claimed he will watch them all in the vacations as he has nothing else to do in the vacations.
Later we had a small trip organized by Mr A to Vazhachaal and Athirapalli waterfalls during our final vacation. Here Mr C told us that he has not watched a single movie from the DVDs he had burned at college. As he spent all his time chatting with Mrs C.
Long ago in college, Mr C wanted to buy a cell. The author suggested a one with GPRS facility. He went by the suggestion as he considers the author to be very high on practical brilliance. But as Mr C started using his cell, Mr C understood that this facility is of no use to him. Thus he cursed the author often for making him spend Rs3500 on his cell.
But during the Vazhachaal trip Mr C was showering all kind of praises on the author. If not for the GPRS facility in his mobile, he wouldn't have Internet in his home (which is apparently in a highly developed part of Kerala where you have to give Rs 10/month as Gym fee). Thus during the vacation Mr and Mrs C had a nice time chatting day in and day out. And Mr C was successful in making Mrs C his "girlfriend". Thus the author played a very important role in their romance.
Mr A advised Mr C that the love will not be strong until Mr and Mrs C meet often. Mr C is very eager to meet Mrs C. But he doesn't have the guts. Mrs C always tells Mr C that her dad is a heart patient and that their affair should be kept away from him.
_________________________________________

After coming to Bangalore Mr C and the rest of us started earning. So Mr C started making STD calls to Mrs C. When Mr A and Mr B moved to the other room in our 2BHK, I and Mr C shared a room. I once heard a phone conversation between Mr and Mrs C. The tone of the conversation can be best described to that between a son and a mother. The son telling things to his mother to which she is not willing to agree to the last word. The son complaining about a lot of work at his workplace. I observed that his tone with her is not his natural one but that of a pleading, winning boyfriend. Often Mr C goes out of topics for conversation. He asks the author, Mr A and Mr B for what to talk about with her. The author has often given him stupid suggestions and he has often talked on those topics with her.
Mrs C likes one topic - her friend G, whose father is no more and he has gone to Gulf to earn a living. Whereas Mr C hates this topic to the core as he has a suspicion that she will fall in love with G. Mrs C tries to keep Mr C's phone calls a secret from her dad, younger brother and the author doesn't know who. While on call she often asks if she can go now. To which he asks whats the hurry.

Another interesting fact that Mr C himself talks to us dejectedly is that she has never called him.
Its always Mr C making the calls,
Mr C sending the messages.
Mr C . . . always
Mind you Mrs C is working too, though her salary is a small fraction of Mr C's. But not even ONE phone call! When she feels like talking to him, she gives Mr C a missed call. Then Mr C calls back. If Mr C doesn't call back in 2 minutes after getting the missed call. Mrs C gets angry at him and leads to all other complications.
The other day I heard Mr C was shopping at Forum for some gift he is about to present Mrs C.
_X_____________________________________X_

The author no more stays with Mr A, Mr B and Mr C. Having understood the insanity involved in Love and mask in the popular girlfriend-boyfriend relationships he has now shifted to a small house near his office. And he does meet these 3 romeos during the weekends over dinner and some stupid movies like - Rock & Roll(M), Flash(M), Mithya(H) etc and some good ones like Calcutta NEWS(M). The author's friends often consider the author to be very successful with women (though the author knows the reality, and they have started understanding too). They often urge the author why don't you love Z, why don't you love Y......
The author wishes All The Best to his friends in their love life and knows what is best for him.

3 comments:

Vipin M said...

really nice ... and i like your way of story telling ....

felinedev said...

this post is too goodda ;-) and wow, like a bible for wannabe lovers.. indirectly teelin dem all to get a life.. thnx man, put things in perspective ;-) lol.

Prajeesh said...

@Vipin
Kudos!
:)
@felinedev
Thanks. People tend to like this post a lot. (Nobody writes it here, but they call up and tell me :) for obvious reasons!)