The weekend that wasn’t

I had a great weekend.
The folks in my office had planned a cricket match to be held on Saturday morning. It was supposed to be Sales vs. R&D.
Right from childhood I have learnt that cricket is not my cup of tea (I don't drink coffee). Thus in Madras I used to play kings (and a king I was, many a times) and volleyball (not very good at that, but I was OK). At Cochin, we used to play football. I know I am not good at that as well. But the advantage with playing football is that you can hide your ignorance. But if you don’t know cricket, it shows out pretty well. Thus I made it pretty well known to the people here that if you would ask me to pose like a pig faced porcupine with a camera in your hand, I shall do it, but never ask me to play cricket. But my admin and Tech-lead wanted me to come to the ground for just the fun of it. I promised them I would, knowing pretty well that this promise is to broken.
Friday night I slept quite early, around 10. Thus Saturday 7 am I am awake in my bed. I lay lazily there for half an hour and feeling bored got up. I dint have anything to do. Well the cricket match was supposed to start at 7 am. So I thought why not go and check out how badly R&D is losing to Sales. So I plugged in my iPod and started walking to the NGV ground.
I reached in time to watch the last over of the sales innings. And to my surprise R&D won the match. The R&D guys spotted me watching the game. And as I have often feared, the manger asked me to join. I tried my level best to make it clear that I don't want to play. And they put me in the Sales team, telling that their team has only 10 players while R&D already has 11 players.
Thus I turned out to be the only R&D guy in the sales team. I made it clear to the sales guys that I am good for nothing. They understood what I meant. They are application engineers, they understand people.
Anyway cricket is a bland game. I remember giving an extempore speech while I was in school. The topic was “My favorite game”. It was a very easy topic. I have done better in political topics though I consider myself to be bad at that. I chose cricket for popularity sake. My speech was pathetically bad, as the words were not from my heart.
Let’s come back to the playground. My team (Sales) lost the first game. In the second game we were to bat first. I dint have to fight for the last batsman position, all the guys were very eager to bat. They managed to get a respectable score without bringing in the last batsman to field. Now it’s going to be difficult. I have to field!
I tried sitting back in the “Pavilion” but my captain told me to take the slip position. Then it was a series of catch drops. They tried posting me in each and every position in the field, but the ball obediently came in my direction, and when it is supposed to come to my hands, it would get deflected by the wind, by a small stone, or by the sheer will power of the batsman. I felt really bored. But somehow we won the match. I felt proud for my team. With my presence if they could win the match, they were really a damn good team.
They wanted to play one more match. I suggested football. But who is interested in football? We decided its going to be a cricket match to decide the winner of the series. Now that the score is 1-1, this match became indispensable for both the teams. Again I would like to say Cricket is a bland game. Half the time you sit in the pavilion (atleast I do so), the other half you just stand under the sun trying to concentrate where the ball will be the next moment. You don’t have to run much or do anything sportive (atleast I dint do anything).
I felt sad.
Another match?
I could have lied that I am busy and could have walked back home. But I wanted to show that I am no coward. I stayed.
Sales was to bat first. The sales captain (who is taking the role of the umpire now) asked me to keep track of the score. I nodded yes happily. I thought- OK , I should atleast show my talent in arithmetics here.
After a while someone asked me the score. I said 13. The batsman told its 17.
A few balls later another guy asked me for the score. I said 27. He asked if it isn’t 25. If he knows it is 25 why the hell is he asking me?
Then later the captain again asked. I said 45. Others corrected it to 47. I learnt that not only I am cricket ignorant. I am not even capable of keeping the score count!
Anyways cricket is a bland game. So I don’t mind not being good at that.
Then we were to bat. The captain asked me, if I would like to bowl. I said, “No, seriously no.” He understood.
We, I mean, the sales team won the second match also. Thus my team won all the matches that I “played”. R congratulated me on that.
We then went to Juice Junction. I had Orange Juice and Sapota Milk shake. I felt the juice and shake to be bland. Then we walked to the office. I watched Friends season one. I felt it to be bland.
Then R and I went to Desi Khana to have a good lunch. I asked for Non-Veg Thali. I got one. I felt the food to be bland.
Since the whole day was kinda bland I thought I will go and have a nice sleep. When I got out of my office I remembered that I forgot my keys in the playground. I came back to office asking people if they have seen any key chain in the playground while returning. They din’t. So I thought I should go to the playground and look for it.
But my colleagues said that somebody might make a duplicate of the key and keep the key back where it was found. And later when I come to take it, they will follow me and find out the lock that this key opens. Thereby this stranger can come and rob my home when I go out. I assured them that there is nothing precious at my home other than some old underwear. But they asked me to be cautious.
I was very lazy to walk. It was a hot afternoon. I hate hiring auto rickshaw. Hiring an auto never strikes my mind when I have to go somewhere. I think an auto rickshaw is a too much of a girl thing. I look down at people who take auto to travel a walk able distance. I have my own reasons for not having a vehicle (no no no, not having a two-wheeler license is not the only reason). Thus the BMTC has been a great friend of mine in Bangalore. I caught a 171 to get down at Koramangala Police Station, the stop near the ground.
The only nice thing that happened that day was the key being untouched at the place where I left it. I took it and came back to the bus stop. Nair called me to tell that they have bought a new TV. So how does it affect me ? I don’t give a damn. Bland and bald Nair. Not happy about, me not having a TV I took a 171 to Audugodi circle and took another bus to my office. Now, I did this to confuse the thief who might be following me to my home. I watched 3 more episodes of Friends season 1. Bored to my nerves, I walked back home. I left my iPod’s ear plug in the office intentionally. I felt I was getting too much addicted to my iPod. Eastern spiritual philosophy says that we should never have attachment with anything or anybody. Thus I promised myself that I won’t use my iPod for the next 1 week.
Being alone at home is really a bland situation. I took bath. The maid came and started doing her work. She started making bland conversations. I gave bland replies.
Once she left I left to the TIME coaching classes. There the teacher started discussing bland problems. These bland students with their bland doubts were stretching the class to 2 full hours. Nair and I then went to Kairali to have dinner. We ordered CB (Chicken Biriyani for the beginners). I felt the Biriyani to be bland even though Biriyani is supposed to be spicy. They also gave us a bland beetroot pickle! Nair had suggested me spending the night at his place. As both of us were alone and there was TV at his place. So went to Koramangala 1st block. I had left my iPod at home.
The TV was a 21 inch Philips. I like Philips stuff. I like Samsung more though (they are known to hire really bright guys). I tried surfing the channels. I din’t find anything interesting. I started watching Jurassic Park 3. It was a bland movie. After that I again started surfing.
I saw this Virgin Mobile ad in four languages (Malayalam, Hindi, Tamil and English). I like the ad. I like her emotion when her dad says she has to go for the trip. Her eyes are depicting anger and haste, while her lips are in the beginning of a smile. She has done her homework well.
It was 11 and I wanted to sleep as all the programmes in the TV seemed bland. That bland bald guy Nair was watching some football match between some infamous clubs. The next day he was happy that one particular club lost, he hates that club it seems. As if he had done his schooling with the scholarship which was the donation of the other club. What attachment do these guys have with Bhelsea, Marcelona, Banchester and Udrid Mutated?
Next day I got up at around 7 am. I felt bored as its going to be another bland day. I had to open bland bald Nair’s cupboard for using his paste. I saw he has bought quite a few books after I left them. I took up the thinnest book.
It was Identity by Milan Kundera. Well if you don’t know who he is, let me illuminate. He wrote some really bland books and was thrown out of Chezh republic for the same. But Milan was smart. He understood that the French are genetically bland. So he lived in exile in France. And wrote more bland books. The blandest of which was Identity.
I congratulated myself for taking up the blandest books from bland bald Nair’s collection later that day. We watched The week that wasn’t in CNN. Bland bald Nair was laughing. I felt it to be bland comedy. At 11 we have the TIME class on the bland topic – Indices and surds. Bland bald Nair offered me to take the book with myself to complete it. We had a bland masala dosa at some arbit bland hotel in 1st block. We entered that bland building where our classes are held. The beauties of the class dint turn up for the class. Thus the class was even more boring. I managed shouting out some wrong answers.
We planned having our lunch at Maharaja. I dint know, rather forgot, that it has an Andhra style cuisine. Andhra food is totally bland except for their pickles. We had meals and Lime Soda. Rs225 for that bland meals and Lime Soda? I felt cheated eventhough the ambiance was good.
I came back home. I was totally bored as I was not even using my iPod. My iPod has been my closest companion since the day I bought it. It’s plugged in when I walk, when I eat, when I try to sleep, when I work- for the last 3 months.
I slept. I read Identity. At 7:40 I felt hungry. The other day I had spotted an Andhra mess nearby. I thought I will try it tonight. So I went to that mess. There were chinki guys (either from the North-East part of India or from some South-east Asian country) seated there. The other day I strolled to Audugodi Circle by taking the Audugodi-Koramangala main road. And then from this road I explored a way to the Inner Ring road through the Shiva theatre road. During this exploration I found that there were a lot of poor chinki guys and gurls in this area. Thus I was not surprised. The mess was dirty. The food was bland and pathetic. The mess guy asked me to tell the chinki guys that the food will be little late as the autowalla who normally brings stuff for the mess has fallen ill. I helped him, totally disinterested. The food was usual Andhra stuff. The papu, which has everything in the world other than dal. The rice that was not cooked properly. The Telugu-Tamil speaking mess guy was disturbed as I ate very little. I had told him that this was my first time here. By now he was sure that this was my last time as well. I pressed Rs22 into his hands and smiled. While walking back home I lost my way. Then I had to walk back to the mess and take the road by which I had come there. I saw a bland drunkard relaxing on the road after gulping down some bland liquor.
I resumed reading the book. The bland book has just 2 characters. And these characters are dreaming throughout the book. The characters in the end wonder what part of the events that happened are real and what was part of the dream. The female character dreams of attending an orgy and sitting naked on a chair! I went nuts. Next morning when I got up, I realized, I had weird dreams. That bland book leaves a hangover too!

I know, I know, this post has become too much bland.

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